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Taisho left before Krispin awoke, despite Jintesh's protestations that he was more than welcome to stay.

"He came here instead of home, which means he wants to see you right now. I'll respect that. He can come home and see me when he's ready. Just make sure it's before our gig next week, okay?" And with those words and a brief smile, Taisho was gone.

So Jintesh was left to himself, waiting for Krispin to wake up. He paced for awhile, and contemplated spinning the looms -- but no, he wanted to be here to see Krispin's face as soon as he woke. So he sat down with his bass and played some of the Crustacean riffs still echoing through his head from the previous day.

He watched Krispin while he did so, staring all the while at the still form curled up into a ball on his bed. So when Krispin finally began to stir, his fingers paused instantly, and he found himself holding his breath, staring at the boy, wondering what he was going to be like, now that he had Haze in his system.

Krispin stretched languidly, rolling over, and then a grin appeared on his face, peeking out of the covers at Jin. "Don't stop on my account."

Jin let go of the breath he was holding, relief washing away his worry yet again. Ignoring Krispin's words, he dumped the bass by his chair and hurried across to the bed, dropping to his knees next to it, staring into Krispin's grey eye and seeing the spark of amusement that had always been there before.

"You're okay."

"Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be?" Krispin sat up, stretching again, and flicked back his hair. "Ahh, my hair's a mess. Where's your hairbrush?" He climbed out of bed, wandering into the bathroom, and Jintesh followed, amazed by the huge difference between this Krispin and the one he'd tucked into bed only a few hours earlier.

"You were.. a mess when you turned up." He watched as Krispin brushed his hair ruthlessly, forcing all the tangles out, and saw him pause briefly at Jin's words, before brushing even harder.

"Oh well, you know how it is, sometimes. You get these moods, a little down, you just gotta brush it off." Krispin beamed at him in the mirror, and he stared.

"No, I don't know."

"Sure you do! Everyone has moodswings, right?" Krispin tossed the hairbrush back in Jin's bathroom cabinet, digging around in there for something else, seeming almost oblivious to the discussion. Frustrated, Jintesh grabbed him by the shoulders, spinning him around to face him.

"Not like that, Krispin! You were lifeless, broken, and I was so damned scared!" He stared down at the surprise in Krispin's gaze, and dropped his hands, feeling like a fool. "I'm sorry, I can't help but worry." He turned away, leaning against the wall, wondering if he was over-reacting, wondering if he should just let it go.

"I never wanted you to see me like that, Tesh. I knew you'd worry." Krispin spoke softly. Jintesh turned back to face him again; Krispin's expression was serious now, his gaze sharp.

"Then why did you come here like that?" he wondered.

"I needed you." Krispin shrugged. "I was so lonely, and so hurting, and all I could think of was you. I was sure that if you'd just hold me, everything would be alright again." Now the boy smiled slightly. "And it helped, for a bit. So I guess I wasn't completely deluded."

Jintesh stared. Krispin needed him? He knew that he needed Krispin, craved him desperately, but he'd never thought the feeling might be returned with the same intensity. He didn't know what Krispin felt for him, or had been feeling for him all this time -- he'd just been happy that Krispin cared.

"You need me?" he whispered, wanting to hear it again. Krispin grinned.

"I've always needed you, Tesh." The boy stepped forward, slipping his arms around Jin's waist, pressing his head against Jin's chest. Jin returned the embrace, closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth of Krispin's body so near his, and the happiness it sparked all through him. Then he sighed. He still needed to know.

"Why were you like that, Krispin? Why were you hurting so much?" Jintesh entangled his fingers in Krispin's hair. "It was more than just your eye, wasn't it?"

"Yeah." Krispin pulled away, moving to stand in the doorway, his back to Jintesh. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yeah. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

At that, Krispin glanced back at him, peering over his shoulder with a serious expression. Then he grinned crookedly.

"It's something no-one can help me with, Tesh." Krispin stepped back out into the main room of the apartment, and Jintesh hurried after him.

"Krispin -" he began, but the boy cut him off.

"I told you that I'm a freak, didn't I? Defects and all that fun stuff." Krispin jumped onto the bed, bouncing up and down for a moment.

"Yeah."

"Well, it's a part of that. Something in my brain isn't right." Krispin beckoned to Jin, and he sat down on the bed next to him. "And 'cause of that.. I guess you could say I'm an emotional timebomb desperate to go off. My moods swing extreme; high, low, angry, apathetic, you name it, I've been at the worst end of it. I have no control over it. I just follow the swinging and hope I don't do anything too stupid." Krispin grinned slightly, shrugging his shoulders. "I guess I should be glad I swing high more often than anything else."

"But.." Jintesh blinked at him, trying to imagine how it happened, trying to imagine what it would feel like. "No control? No reason?"

"None at all."

"I don't.. why? I don't understand."

"That makes two of us, then." Krispin folded his legs up underneath him, leaning on his knees. "We've been trying to figure it out since I was a kid. No-one knows. And no-one cares." He glanced up at Jintesh, who was still trying to comprehend what a life like that must be like. "Still so sure you want to be involved with a madman like me?"

Jintesh tried to wrap his mind around it. Did that mean Krispin would suddenly turn angry, or crazy, or become listless and sobbing the way he had been earlier that day, with no warning, and no reason? How was he supposed to deal with that? Forever anticipating, forever unsure of what Krispin would be like from one moment to the next?

But in all the time he'd spent with Krispin, he'd never seen Krispin's moods suddenly change like that, until today. Why should knowing that they could make any difference? If it was a rare occurrence.. how rare?

No. It didn't matter, when it all came down to it. He couldn't give up Krispin, couldn't bear to be without him. It wasn't an option anymore, in his mind. He'd find a way to deal with it, to try and understand.

"How could I resist you?" he said, finally, trying to smile. "Just.. tell me if there's anything at all that I can do to help. I can't just sit by and watch you when you're hurting." It had been bad enough to watch, today; it made him ache to see Krispin in any sort of pain.

"Give me Haze." Krispin grinned. "It's like medication for it. It's the only thing I've found that helps."

"It stops you hurting?"

"Yeah. It tends to stop my moods from swinging too often. It keeps me the way I should be.. insanely happy." He suddenly bounced up off the bed again, to his feet. "And I'm a lot more fun like this, right?"

Jintesh rose to his feet as well, catching the boy in an embrace before he could move away. "Any way you are is okay with me. I just need you." He clung to Krispin, and the boy melded his body against Jin's, warm and so wonderfully alive. Jin closed his eyes, his mind still spinning with everything Krispin had told him. But he could learn to live with it; Krispin was too important to let go. And if Krispin needed Haze to stop his pain, then Jintesh was just going to have to live with that, too. All he wanted was for the boy to be happy.

Jintesh woke suddenly, his heart beating fast, and stared up at his ceiling, trying to calm himself. He felt Krispin wriggling next to him, shifting closer, murmuring something lilting and incomprehensible in his sleep, and he found himself relaxing. It was all a dream. A nasty dream, memories of a listless Krispin and visions of a broken, mindless Krispin-to-be, but it wasn't real. Not yet, anyway.

Anxiety dreams, probably. Today Krispin was having the operation to put a new cyber eye in, and Jin couldn't help but be nervous about it. Sure, it would be fairly quick, and it was routine enough, but there was still that small chance that something might go wrong. The eye was so close to the brain, after all..

It had taken both Jintesh and Taisho's combined efforts to convince Krispin to let Jin pay for his new eye. He'd had a dozen or more different reasons why he shouldn't take Jin's money, take advantage of Jin, take charity from Jin; but finally he'd given in with a wicked grin, given in to shut them both up, he said.

Jin sighed. His brain was wide awake after those dreams, and there was no chance he was going to get back to sleep now. He carefully pried himself free from Krispin's grip, tucking the covers tighter around the boy, and headed for the bathroom.

His shower with its unlimited heated water was one of the few luxuries he'd allowed himself when he started making money. There was nothing quite so soothing as the feel of almost scalding hot water pattering down over your body, and right now it was the perfect way to calm himself and get rid of the images that dream had left in his mind.

So he flicked on the water and stepped under the spray, turning slowly, trying not to think too hard. He got so caught up in the soothing feel of it all that he was still in there almost an hour later when Krispin peeked around the screen.

"Never seen you up so early!" the boy exclaimed with a teasing grin. "Must be something important happening today."

"Important? In my life? Ha." Jintesh reached out and grabbed Krispin by the wrists, dragging the surprised boy into the shower before he could react. Krispin giggled, ducking his head under the water and shaking it vigourously, his silver hair whapping gently against Jin's chest.

"Say.. did we have sex in the shower before?" Krispin leaned against him, peering up with an all-too-innocent expression on his face.

"Yeah." Jin kept his expression deadpan, though inside he was amused. He knew what came next; Krispin liked to play this game.

"Was it fun?"

"Yeah."

"So let's see if we can make it more fun this time, ne?" Krispin's hot, wet lips pressed up against his and he closed his eyes with a smile, returning the kiss with a passion to match Krispin's. There was no better way to start the day.

They met Taisho outside the implant centre; the singer was leaning casually against the wall, looking as if he'd always been there. Krispin had insisted they both come along, in return for them both pestering him to agree to the new eye in the first place.

Once inside, the smooth metal doors shutting silently behind them, they were met by a smiling woman in a dark blue worksuit. She led them deeper into the building, leaving them in the hands of a heavybrowed, serious doctor whom she introduced as Noro.

Noro looked the three of them over briefly.

"You're Krispin, then," he said to the silver-haired boy, who nodded with a smile. "Follow me. For you two, the waiting room is in there." He gestured briefly to a door across from them. "Provided everything goes fine, it'll be two hours. Please don't bother my staff unless you must, they've enough to do as it is." Before they even had a chance to nod agreement, he vanished through another door.

Krispin giggled. "See you soon!" He blew a kiss to both of them and ran after the doctor. Jin and Taisho were left to stare after him, before turning to each other, both looking a little perturbed.

"Interesting. Well, let's hope everything does go fine." Taisho smirked. "Shall we?" he gestured toward the waiting room. Jintesh shrugged.

"Sure, why not." He pushed open the door and entered. The room was small, most of its space taken up by two large, soft-looking lounges. At the far end was a cooler and a small snack box.

Jin dropped into the nearest sofa and stretched his legs. Taisho wandered across to peer inside the cooler. He slipped his chargechip out for a moment, hooking it up, and a small bottle released into his grasp with a soft hiss. He took a quick sip and pulled a face.

"Substandard excuse for a beverage. It's only places like these that buy cheap feine." Taisho tossed himself into the chair next to Jin, sliding into a more comfortable position. "It's going to be a long two hours."

"Yeah." Jin stared at the blank wall in front of him. He wondered what the hell he and Taisho were going to talk about for the next two hours. Not to mention this worrying about Krispin; safe as it might be, his mind insisted on reminding him about the rare chance that something might go wrong. It had to happen to someone sooner or later.

"You look worried." Taisho's quiet voice interrupted Jin's brooding thoughts, and his head snapped up. He turned to look at the singer, to find those intense eyes gazing at him thoughtfully.

"Yeah. How could I not be?"

"Don't. It'll all be fine."

"Aren't you worried?" Jin regarded Taisho's relaxed position, his calmness.

"Very." Taisho's expression turned into a wry grin. "But that's natural for me. I was trying to reassure you."

"Thanks." Jin stared at him, watching as the singer leaned back, resting his hands behind his head, and closed his eyes. Taisho seemed so in control, so collected. And Jintesh wondered so many things about him.

"Why do you care, Taisho? I can see how much you want him. Why do you tolerate me when I'm just standing in the way of you and him?"

The singer sat still for a long moment, and then his eyes opened, the pain in them breaking the illusion of calm he'd been showing.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah." And he did. Krispin cared a lot about Taisho, he knew that. In a way, he was jealous, and he wanted in on it. But he was also curious, wondering what brought them together, and what held them together. Wondering if he, too, could perhaps be friends with Taisho.

"It's a long story."

"We've got plenty of time," Jin reminded him, and Taisho managed a quick grin.

"How true. Well.." Taisho took a slow, deep breath, then exhaled rather suddenly and forcefully. "I love him more than my own life, Jintesh. That insane little boy is everything to me." He sat forward, slowly, brushing his hair back. "The first time I met him, I was absolutely charmed by his wildness, his total freedom. No-one and nothing could tie him down or hold him back. He was on top of the world. I fell quick, and I fell hard. And when he paid attention to me in return.." The singer glanced at Jin, offering him a quick, humourless grin. "Well, I'm sure you know how that felt. We became friends. For a while, we were lovers, and I've never known anytime so sweet. But it's Krispin's inherent nature to be free. He got restless, and he found someone else."

As Taisho spoke, Jintesh felt his stomach slowly sinking. In Taisho's words, he could see himself, and it scared him. He thought that what he and Krispin had was special. But.. was this what was going to happen to their relationship? Was he going to end up this lonely creature that Taisho had become?

"He didn't leave me, though, not completely. Sometimes I almost wish he had, but.." Taisho shrugged. "I wrote songs, then, but I didn't share my music with anyone. Until Krispin. He loved it, and he convinced me that it was good. He helped me form a band, and even when we stopped sharing a bed, we still had the band. So we stuck together with that, and we stayed good friends. When I had nowhere to live, he offered me his spare room, and even now we still live together. Sometimes, when he's between relationships and lonely, we still share a bed, too." He sighed, softly. "I suppose I could force more from him if I tried, but.."

They sat in silence together for a moment. Then Jintesh echoed the last word. "But..?"

"You know what he's like, Jintesh. That wildness. I love him for that. I could tie him down, I could convince him to be mine alone, but.. to do that, it'd destroy his freedom. He wouldn't be the Krispin that I love anymore. And I can't do that to him." Taisho smiled, a bitter, self-loathing smile. "Pathetic as it is, his happiness is more important to me than my own. So I do whatever it takes to make him happy, and I be there for whatever little he'll give me in return."

The silence descended again. Jin's mouth tasted suddenly sour, and he swallowed several times. He had known, all along, how wild Krispin was, but he had hoped, somehow, that Krispin cared for him in a special way.. that Krispin didn't do this with just anyone. And even being told otherwise, he couldn't let go. Even if he was just another someone in a long line of someones, he still wanted what little he could have of the boy, for as long as he could hold on. Taisho was right, it was pathetic.

"You're different, you know." Taisho's soft words cut the silence abruptly, and Jintesh turned to stare at him uncomprehendingly.

"What do you mean?"

"To Krispin. There's something about you.. I've never seen him like this over anyone. Remember when he listened to your words, about leaving you alone? He's never done that before. He normally does whatever he pleases, to get who he wants. But you.. it's like he's willing to sacrifice his own pleasure for yours."

"But.. you just said.."

"I know. You've had sex with him, right?"

"Uh. Yeah." It was another out of the blue question, and Jintesh could only wonder why Taisho was asking it.

"Who was on top? I mean.. was he fucking you, or were you fucking him?" Taisho's bluntness made Jin blush, and the singer smiled slightly. "I'm asking for a reason."

"Well.. me. I was."

"Ahh." Taisho's eyes widened slightly, and then he nodded. "Like I said, you're different."

"What does it matter who's on top?"

"It matters to Krispin. He won't let anyone take him; he's always on top and in control because he won't submit himself to anyone else. But he's submitted to you." Taisho stared at him for a long moment, then finally he smiled again, at odds with the pain still flickering in his eyes. "At least he picked a decent guy who I can approve of. I'd be pissed as hell if he gave himself to a loser over me."

"Taisho.." Jin stared back at that painful smile, lost for what to say. He felt for the singer; in his words, Jin could see a reflection of his own lonely, obsessive nature, and it saddened him to see it so lost, so far gone. He wondered if he would be so kind, were he in Taisho's place. "I.. thank you. For telling me this. For helping us so much already. I wish I could - "

"Don't." Taisho was relaxing back against the couch, his eyes calm again. "Just make Krispin happy. That's all I really need."

Jintesh nodded. That, at least, he could try his best to do. Impulsively, he reached his hand out to Taisho. "Friends?"

Taisho's gaze wandered over him, and then the singer grinned, and took hold of his hand, squeezing it tightly for a moment. "Friends."