choose style
black
grey
white

Jintesh awoke very late the next morning, his head pounding. He groaned, stumbling his way into the bathroom, trying to find something to calm his aching skull. Yuu and Zeth's idea of celebrating had involved a lot of alcohol, and he'd let them talk him into celebrating as well. He'd helped make the directors like Crustacean, therefore he should have fun just like they were, they'd said.

And the evening had been fun, what he could remember of it. But right now that didn't make his head feel any better.

He slapped a painkiller patch on his forehead and then stuck his whole head under the cold water tap for awhile. It wasn't until the pain started to fade that he realised it wasn't just his head that was pounding. There was someone knocking at his door.

He ripped off the patch and dried his hair quickly, hurrying across his apartment. Could it be..? Would Krispin ever knock so quietly?

He pulled open the door. Sure enough, Krispin was standing there, blinking up at him. Relief washed over him, making his knees go weak for a moment, and he realised just how worried he'd been.

"Krispin.." He reached out and pulled the boy into his arms, hugging him tightly, nuzzling into his silver hair and breathing deep of the scent of him, a scent already familiar to him. Krispin was stiff in his arms for a moment, and then the boy relaxed, returning the embrace, clinging tightly to Jintesh.

"Tesh. Can I come in?" Krispin's voice whispered in his ear, and he smiled. Damn, but he'd missed him.

"Sure." He let go, ushering Krispin inside, and shut the door behind him. Then he turned to watch the boy, and he found his smile slowly fading again. Krispin movements were flat, lackluster, and he merely took a few steps into the apartment before he stopped moving and stood still, silent.

"Krispin?" Jin questioned softly. Krispin turned slowly to look at him, and he drew a breath at the dullness in that gaze. Even his hair was limp, completely shrouding half his face and hanging in drab tangles over his shoulders. "What's wrong, Krispin?" Jin found Laran's words about Haze echoing through his mind, and he shivered. Surely it didn't happen this suddenly?

"Wrong? Nothing." Krispin blinked at him, seeming confused by his question. "Why would there be?" But there were no giggles, no easy grin.

"You're so.. quiet." Jintesh took a step towards him. He reached out to touch Krispin's cheek, gently, tracing his fingers along his jaw and down to his chin.

"I'm fine." Krispin turned his face away, ever so slightly, and Jintesh caught a glimpse of the cheek hidden under his hair, a glimpse of red streaking down it. His stomach tightened, and he drew his hand back from Krispin's face, and found himself staring at congealing blood on his fingertips.

"You -" his voice cracked, and he tried again. "You're bleeding."

The boy turned back to look at him again, and slowly the dullness faded from his gaze. "I know."

"What happened?" Jin found himself whispering, barely able to do even that. Krispin sighed, shrugging his shoulders.

"How about I show you?" He raised his hand, slowly lifting the silver hair that concealed his face up and out of the way. Where Krispin's vibrant green eye should have been, an empty, raw socket stared out.

Jin heard himself whimper, and Krispin let the hair fall back down, hiding it again. Krispin's eye? Someone had taken his eye? But why?!

"Why..? How..? I.." Jin found his fists clenching, and his chest ached, ached for Krispin's pain. He felt arms wrapping around him, felt Krispin's head pressing into his shoulder.

"It's nothing, Tesh. My punishment. It didn't hurt. Forget about it." Muffled words floated up to his ears, Krispin's words, but they were nonsense. Punishment? No pain? Forget it? What was he talking about?

"You're making no sense." Jin's arms closed convulsively around Krispin, but the boy pulled away again.

"It's nothing," he repeated, stressing the words. "I can't tell you why. But it didn't hurt because it wasn't real. So just forget it."

"Not real?" Did Krispin actually mean..?

"My eye. It wasn't real."

"You have.. a cyber implant?" Jintesh forgot the rest of Krispin's words at this shocking news. Implants were normal enough, but they were also expensive, they needed maintenance, and he had never associated that cold, metal feel to Krispin. The boy was too vibrant, too human, to have cyber parts.

"Had," Krispin corrected him with a smile that was suprisingly sad.

"Why?"

"You really want to know?" Krispin shrugged his shoulders again. "Truth is, I'm a freak, Tesh. Genetic defects galore. I was born with only one eye."

Jintesh stared at him. Defects were unheard of these days. Everyone was healthy, everyone was beautiful, everyone was perfect. Krispin had good reason to call himself a freak; to most people, he would be. Jin had to wonder how long he'd had the implant for.. if he'd been one-eyed as a child, he would've been an outcast.

But Krispin was turning away from him, his expression sad, and he reached out and grabbed the boy's arm.

"I don't care if you're a freak. You're still mine." He slid his fingers down to twine with Krispin's. The boy stared back at him, his expression almost considering, and then sighed and closed his eyes.

"Don't ask me where I was, okay Tesh? I can't tell you. Can you deal with that?"

It was just as Taisho had told him. But Jin found that he didn't care; so long as Krispin was here now, it didn't matter where else he'd been. Well, except that Jin had a strong urge to do something painful to whomever had taken Krispin's eye.

"I can." He squeezed Krispin's fingers, and the boy opened his eyes again.

"Thanks." Krispin rubbed at his face with his free hand, and Jintesh winced, thinking of the mess that had been his eye. It had looked so nasty; surely Krispin should be going to hospital or something.

"Your eye.." he began, then paused. "Should you.. get it looked at?"

"It's okay. An implant, remember? A clean take. It'll heal." Krispin looked sure of himself in that, at least. Jintesh bit his lip. Should he take Krispin's word on it?

"At least let me clean you up." He could wash off the blood, and maybe get a better look at it. Krispin shrugged.

"If you want."

So Jin took Krispin into the bathroom and sat him down, brushing back his hair and forcing himself to look at the empty socket. It was a mess, yes, but it was mostly dried or drying blood. As Krispin had said, it had been a clean take, and nothing was damaged.

He found a cloth and soaked it in warm water, then wiped away the blood, starting at Krispin's chin and working his way up. The boy stared mutely at the wall, not even flinching when Jintesh softly patted the blood away from the socket itself.

"There. All clean." He rinsed out the cloth and put it away, then stood up. "Do you want me to bandage it?"

Krispin shook his head. "It's fine." He sat still, not bothering to move, even though Jin was finished. He still looked forlorn, limp, and Jin longed to make him smile, to bring back some sense of happiness in him. But how?

"Krispin, I.. I got something for you." Maybe it would help. "Just something I thought you might like."

"A present?" Krispin looked surprised. And worried. Why would he be worried?

"Yeah. Follow me." He took Krispin by the hand again, and led him gently across the apartment, to the case leaning against the wall near his bed. He knelt down next to it, placing the case flat on the floor, and then looked up at Krispin.

"Open it," he told him. Krispin's eyes were wide, and he dropped to his knees next to Jin, flipping up the latches and carefully opening the case.

"Ohhh.." Krispin sighed, one hand reaching out to caress the bass, to slide along the old strings, to pause against the main body of the guitar, resting delicately against that lovely dark red wood. Jin watched his hand move, and then raised his eyes to the boy's face, hoping for at least a smile.

"Krispin?" He blinked in disbelief. There were tears spilling down Krispin's face as he gazed at the bass, a sudden torrent of them, the tears from his empty socket tinged with blood, dripping pale red onto his chest. As Jin stared, a small sob escaped Krispin's throat.

Jintesh reached out, gathering Krispin into his arms, and held him close against his shoulder, rocking slowly, as he ran one hand gently over Krispin's tangled hair. He didn't know what to do; he had no idea what was wrong. This was more than Krispin being upset over losing an eye, he sensed that much. He'd never seen the boy anything but happy and confident, or distant and confident. This helpless pain terrified him, and he wanted desperately to be able to make it go away somehow.

Krispin's sobs went on and on, wrenching and painful to listen to, but eventually they slowed. Finally, he turned his head to one side against Jintesh's shoulder, his lips almost at Jin's ear. "It's beautiful, Tesh. I'm sorry. I need to sleep. Can I sleep here? I'll be okay after.." he trailed off, sniffling, and Jin caressed his back.

"Of course," he said, trying to sound reassuring. When Krispin made no attempt to move, he hooked his arms around the boy and picked him up; he weighed hardly anything, and it took no effort to carry him the short distance to the bed and gently tuck him in.

Krispin sighed, pulling the covers up, clinging to them. "Tesh.. can you.. thread Taisho for me? Tell him I'm home, and I'm sorry.."

"Okay."

"Thanks." Krispin's eyelids drifted closed, and in moments he was asleep, his breathing slowing and becoming more regular.

Jintesh sat next to him and stared at him. His eye taken as some sort of punishment.. no, his implant taken as punishment. Genetic defects. No answers to where he'd been. And his listlessness, his hopelessness, his terrible sobbing. What was wrong with Krispin?

Taisho was slow to answer his thread, and his face when it finally appeared looked half-asleep.

"Ah, Jintesh. Morning. Or is it afternoon by now? I hope your head feels better than mine." Taisho ran his fingers through his hair.

"It's okay, now. It was awful when I got up. Listen, Taisho, Krispin's back." He watched Taisho's reaction, watched him become more awake at those words, and saw the surprise, and a hint of jealousy. Was this the first time Krispin had returned from one of his disappearances to someone else instead of Taisho?

"I see. How is he? Too scared to talk to me face to face?" Taisho managed a brief grin, but Jin couldn't return it in the mood he was in. He shook his head instead.

"He's asleep. He asked me to thread you, to tell you that he's home, and that he's sorry." Jintesh glanced behind him at the still form curled up in his bed. "Someone took his eye. His implant."

"Took it?" Taisho sat forward, his gaze becoming fully alert. "Who? And why?"

"He won't tell me. He said something about it being a punishment, and that it didn't matter." Jintesh shrugged. "It's like you said, he told me not to ask him about where he was."

"Punishment. That makes no sense."

"You're telling me."

"Is he hurting?" Taisho looked worried now.

"His eye? No. Him.." Jin found himself sighing. "He's an emotional wreck. And it's not just the eye. I don't know.. I don't understand, but I've never seem him like this before. So despondent, so.. broken."

"Ah." Taisho's expression was understanding now, and somehow that made him feel better. "He's limp and lifeless. And he just wants to sleep and cry. Am I right?"

"Yes! What's wrong? Please tell me, Taisho, because I don't know what to do to help him." Jintesh felt a spark of hope. If Taisho was familiar with what was wrong with Krispin, perhaps he knew how to make it better, too.

"I think it's something that Krispin should be telling you himself." It was Taisho's turn to sigh. "But I know something that will help, although it may not sound like a cure to you."

"What?"

"Haze." Taisho met Jin's surprised gaze with a calm one. "He's told you that he needs it, has he not? It's the truth."

"Goddamnit." Frustration welled up inside him. To cure Krispin's pain, he was supposed to give him the one thing that was destroying him? And if Haze was Krispin's answer for his pain, did that mean that the Krispin he'd just seen was the real Krispin, and the happy, confident side of him was nothing more than a drug-induced state?

No. Krispin had been with him for a week without drugs, and he'd been bouncy the whole time. There was more than he knew to this.. and he needed Krispin to tell it to him. But Krispin needed Haze to be coherent enough to tell him.

"Fine, alright. Haze it is. Where do I get some?"

"I can bring some over, if that's alright with you." Taisho's offer made him sigh again, in relief this time; it was bad enough having to give Krispin Haze, without having to go out and deal for it for him.

"Yeah. Thanks. I'd rather deal with you than some brainless streetsleeper."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Taisho's smirk had a bitter touch to it. "See you soon." He cut the thread, and Jintesh sat back, closing his eyes. He rubbed at his forehead, cursing; his damned headache was returning again.

Taisho was quick to arrive, and that made Jintesh feel a little better. The singer still looked tired, pale-faced, but Jin had to admit he probably looked just as bad himself.

"Come in." He opened the door wide, stepping aside to let Taisho in. "He's sleeping over there." He gestured to the bed, and the singer nodded, but moved to sit at the nearest chair instead.

"I just need to prepare it," Taisho explained, and opened his pack, removing a snapcap, some sort of machine, and a needle-gun. Jintesh sat across from him to watch, curiousity getting the better of him.

"So it's an injection?" He watched as Taisho pulled a tiny grey cube out of the snapcap, dropping it into the top of the machine he was holding.

"Yeah." The singer pressed a button on the side of the machine, and it began to vibrate in his hand, whirring softly. "Snapshot, in the neck. It gets into your system quicker that way." The machine stopped whirring, and Taisho attached the needle-gun to the bottom of it. Jintesh stared at the swirling silver liquid that filled it. Silver. How appropriate for Krispin.

"How long does it take to kick in?"

"Not long." Taisho returned the equipment to his bag. "In situations such as these, however, it's best to wake him, give it to him, and then let him sleep again for awhile." Taisho stayed seated, the needle-gun in his hand, his gaze on Jintesh.

"Alright." Jin, feeling nervous, lowered his eyes to the needle-gun. Did Taisho want him to do it? He didn't think he could. He didn't dare. He raised his eyes again, in time to catch a hint of amusement in Taisho's.

"It's okay, I'll do it." Taisho stood, moving over to the bed, and Jin stayed where he was, feeling like an outsider. He watched silently as Taisho sat on the bed, shaking Krispin's shoulder gently until he awakened. He listened to the listless mumble of Krispin's voice, and the deep, reassuring murmur of Taisho's. He stared as Krispin turned his head to one side, as Taisho pressed the needle-gun against his neck, and heard the soft snap of the Haze being released into the boy's system. Then Taisho was tucking him in, Krispin drifting back into sleep, and the singer was returning to where Jintesh sat, sitting down across from him again.

"There. All done." Taisho's eyes seemed a little too bright. "Damn. I don't understand why he let someone take his eye like that. Even in this state, he would still have put up a fight, surely."

"He didn't so much as twitch when I was cleaning it up." Jintesh leaned back in his chair. "It makes no sense. Has he ever come home hurt or anything before?"

"Never. Sometimes he's listless like this, but that's different. He's never had any harm done to him." Taisho clenched his hands together. "I wish I knew where he went when he disappeared. I can think of a few eyes I'd like to take as punishment."

"You're not the only one." Jintesh sighed, trying not to let himself get angry. There was nothing they could do, no-one they could blame for Krispin's loss, and being angry wouldn't help either of them any. Nor would it help Krispin. "He can get a replacement, can't he? Is it difficult?"

"Ah." Taisho lowered his head, thinking. "Difficult, no. Expensive, yes. There's not a chance he could afford it right now. If we get signed up and our discs sell, he probably can then, but it will take him awhile to save it. And saving isn't Krispin's strong point."

"How much is expensive?"

"For an eye? Hmm. If I remember correctly, about three fifty, four hundred thousand." Taisho's expression turned dour. "That's a lot of credit."

Jintesh nodded. They sat in silence for a moment, and then he dared say it. "I have enough credit to afford that."

Taisho's head snapped up to stare at him, dark brown eyes wide with disbelief for a second before he composed himself. "Four hundred thousand credit?"

"Yeah. And then some."

"For Krispin?" Taisho's eyes gleamed hopeful, but then his gaze turned flat again. "No. That's far too much to give to someone you've not even known all that long. You can't.." his voice trailed off, and Jintesh could almost see him trying to talk himself out of the idea.

"It's not too much. I don't care. The reason I have so much credit is 'cause I don't care. I never spend it, except to eat. If I can help Krispin.."

"And if you do, and two weeks, or two months later, something goes wrong between you and you go different ways? Will you still not care? Don't be rash with such a large amount, Jintesh." Taisho's voice was stern, but his gaze was flickering. Jin shivered at the thought of not being with Krispin. He didn't even want to think that it might happen. But if it did?

"It doesn't matter. I have more than enough credit to live on, and the rest I'm just sitting on. What's the point of credit if you don't do anything with it? If I can make his life a little easier, I'll be happy. And if a time comes when we don't care about each other.. well, I still helped him when I could. And that's good enough for me."

Taisho stared at him for a long time, and he dared to stare back, wanting to prove that he meant what he said. And finally, Taisho's eyes settled, the hope returning to them.

"You're an odd one, Jintesh." The singer smiled. "Now you just have to convince Krispin."