Standard disclaimers: these characters don't belong to me, they belong to Watase Yuu and Flower Comics. If that's you, please don't sue me, I'm very poor. I only do this out of love for these characters.
The story itself, however, belongs to me. Don't post, steal, or do anything nasty to it. If you want to post this story somewhere, please ask me first. I'll most likely say yes, but I'd like to know.
This story contains explicit yaoi; that's m/m love and sex. If that offends you, go read something else and stop wasting my time. ^_^
Any comments or constructive criticism are most appreciated! Just email me at cassiel@crysania.com
by Cassiel Kelner
"You can take the bed," Tooya said simply.
"I.." Aki started to say, then stopped, taking a few steps towards it. Tooya stayed in the doorway, watching him curiously. "I can't take your bed, Tooya." Aki was staring at the large futon, his expression unsure. Tooya slipped his hands in his pockets and leaned on the doorframe. He didn't say anything; he just looked at Aki.
"I.. alright. But where are you going to sleep?" Aki's tenor was so melodic, almost as if he were singing his words. Just like... Aya. <Aya...> Tooya closed his eyes. <How can I feel so much for someone I'm supposed to destroy?>
"Tooya? Are you okay?" Aki asked hesitantly. Tooya opened his eyes again.
"Sure. I'll sleep on the couch." He walked over to the closet, pulled the door open, and started hunting through the lower drawers.
"Tooya.." Aki wanted to talk, he could tell. Wanted to ask about what had happened, no doubt, or what was going on. Or what was going to happen next. Tooya didn't want to talk about it. How the hell was he supposed to know what was going on? He hardly even knew who he was. And without that..
He pulled out a large pyjama top and turned, tossing it to Aki. The boy caught it clumsily, not expecting it.
"Get some sleep, Aki. It's been a long day." He turned back to the closet, pulling out a clean shirt for himself. He always slept in his clothes -- it was safer that way. Then he spun about and walked out of the room.
<Why is he so abrupt?> Aki stared after Tooya's vanished figure, no doubt gone off to do whatever it was he did when there was no-one there. <He's been assigned to watch over me.. I guess that doesn't mean he has to like me to do it.> He wasn't sure why that bothered him. So he turned his attention to putting on the pyjama top Tooya had given him.
He closed his eyes as he undressed, but he didn't need to see the harsh scars that crisscrossed his body. He knew they were there. Reminder of who and what he was. And of Aya. <Aya.. no, Ceres. It's all Ceres' fault.> He hastily pulled on the top, far too big for him, and buttoned it closed. Then he climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. <Aya. My sister -- my twin -- and my best friend. Why did Ceres have to be inside you? Why did some tennyo from centuries ago have to come back and destroy everything that we have? I need you.. you're my other half.. why did things have to be ruined like this?> He tried to ignore the pain, tried to ignore the tears that slid down his cheeks. <Sleep. That's what Tooya said you need. Sleep, Aki.> But the tears kept coming.
Tooya stretched out on the couch, his long legs hanging off one end. <Need a bigger couch.> He closed his eyes, tried to empty his mind long enough to fall into sleep without thinking. But Aki's quiet sobs kept creeping into the emptiness he was trying to create, kept forcing him to hear them. <I don't want to know.. we're all hurting. How can I help him? I'm nobody. I don't even have a memory.> But Aki's sobs were all he could hear. <So much like Aya. They're so similar.> Aya sounded like this, when she was crying. When her family tried to kill her. When her father took a bullet to save her life. When she saw what she had done to her mother as Ceres. And now Aki's tears.. <They're only sixteen. Too young to suffer so much pain.> He rose from the couch, brushing his hair back from his eyes. <Why am I doing this?> he wondered as he walked towards the bedroom. <Aya..> was his mind's only reply.
Aki's pained mind didn't register the soft footsteps entering the room, or even the bed tipping slightly to one side as Tooya sat down upon it. He did notice, however, the gentle hand upon his back.
"Aki." Tooya's normally cold, inflectionless voice was softer now, somehow understanding.. or was he just imagining it? Either way, it didn't matter. Tooya cared, or at least wanted to help him with his pain. He couldn't stop himself from turning over, and throwing his arms around Tooya as he cried on his shoulder. Here was someone to lean on, even if only for a little while.
Tooya nearly pulled away as Aki's arms suddenly enfolded him, but he forced himself to sit still. <He's not going to hurt you. He just needs someone.> He stared down at the sobbing boy, who's face was hidden in the shoulder of his shirt. He could feel the tears saturating the material. <Poor kid.> Hesitantly, he raised his arms, wrapping them around Aki in return. <Just hold him. Let him cry on you. That's what he needs.> He closed his own eyes for a moment. <He's lonely, Tooya, just like you. Everyone's so damned lonely. Aya, where are you when I need you most?> He tried to ignore the warm body shivering in his arms, and just how much like Aya this boy was. The same size, the same shape, the same warm, velvety skin.. the same fine blonde hair that plastered across his face in thin strands as he raised it to look at Tooya. Tears trickled down his cheeks, but they'd slowed now, and he just sat there, staring up at Tooya. <What does he want?> Tooya felt that old wariness creeping up on him now. <I should've stayed on the couch.> He felt wrong, being here. But.. everyone needed someone to lean on sometimes. Even him.
"Tooya.." Aki's voice was trembling as much as his body was. In the darkened room, his eyes were pools of shadow, and Tooya wished he could read what was in them; wished he could know what was going on in Aki's mind right now. They were so much the same, these twins. Surely then Aki's emotions would be as obvious as Aya's.. if he could only see his eyes.
The soft lips that pressed against his startled him right out of his thoughts, and he almost jerked away in shock, almost threw Aki across the bed forcefully and stormed out of the room. Almost. But something stopped him. Loneliness. Desire. Aya. <They're so alike.>
Aki shocked himself when he kissed Tooya, but at the same time, it felt so.. right. <I'm alone. Without Aya, I'm alone. And Tooya.. he's alone too. Without Aya.> Everything came back to Aya, it seemed. Between them, maybe they could stop being alone. He felt Tooya's body tensing in his embrace, and wondered if he was going to be hit, or pushed away.. if Tooya would glare at him, and then turn and walk out without a word, like he always did. Then Tooya relaxed again, and those sensual lips were returning the kiss, Tooya's tongue slipping between his lips to find his own tongue. He almost pulled back in surprise at that. He'd not really expected Tooya to want him in return, even if he had hoped for it. But the arms that held him were squeezing him tighter, pulling him closer still, and he opened his eyes, staring at Tooya's face, so close to his. Tooya broke the kiss, finally, and stared back.
"What?" was all he said.
"I.. Tooya.." So much he could say right now. But he didn't dare. He didn't want to break the mood. He just wanted to be held. To be loved. So he kissed him again.
<What am I doing?> Tooya asked himself, even as he let Aki kiss him again. <He's not Aya. He can't replace her.> But the lips on his were insistent, and so gentle, and they sent waves of longing through him. <He's not Aya, but he's a part of her, somehow. Maybe..> He cut off his thoughts. He didn't want to think right now. Thinking hurt too much. <Beat yourself up over it tomorrow, Tooya. For now, just.. share. Just be with him. You know you want to.> Yes, he did, and that thought surprised him. <I want him. As Aki, not just as an Aya substitute.> Or at least, he thought he did. And that was good enough for him. He let the kiss end, let his lips linger close to Aki's for a moment, and then slid his lips down until he found Aki's throat. He warmed the skin with his breath, then pressed his lips against it, sucking gently on his neck just like Aya had taught him. He heard Aki's intake of breath, almost an indrawn sigh, and then Aki's hands, which had done nothing more than clutch him until now, started roaming up and down his back, softly caressing him through the thin material of his shirt. He slid his own hands beneath Aki's pyjama top, rubbing his back, enjoying the sweet softness of his skin. <Just as soft as Aya..> He resolutely put all thoughts of Aya out of his mind for now. <Later. Think of her later.>
Aki started at the feel of Tooya's hands, suddenly against his bare skin. Then he relaxed; the rough skin of Tooya's hands felt good, touching him softly, rubbing up and down his spine and across his shoulder blades. He dared to mimic Tooya, and slid his own hands beneath his shirt, exploring his skin, slightly rougher than his own, but fascinating nonetheless. He moved his hands higher, discovering Tooya's broad shoulders, and then lower again to his narrow waist. <Are they always this beautiful to touch?> Tooya's face raised to his again, and he felt lips nibbling on his. He couldn't help but smile. It all felt so good to him, so new and wonderful and.. not lonely.
Tooya slid his hands around to Aki's chest, touching first one nipple, then the other. At Aki's delighted gasps, he played with them again. Then he began to unbutton Aki's pyjamas, to get at them better.
"Tooya..?" Aki's wide eyes, still dim shadows even this close, were unsure again.
"What?" He paused in his unbuttoning. Shouldn't he be doing this? Wasn't this a natural progression from what they were doing? It felt right, as if his subconscious remembered things that he couldn't.
"Are we.." Aki couldn't seem to finish the sentence, but Tooya thought he understood. <Has he never done this before? He is only sixteen, after all.>
"Only if you want to." He knew he sure as hell wanted to. The longing inside him had taken a sharper turn, centering in his groin, as Aki's hands had moved across his back.
"I..." Aki seemed to be thinking. "Yes." He said finally, decisively. "Yes, but.." His voice softened. "I've never done it before, Tooya."
"That's all right, I'm pretty new to it, at least that I remember." For some reason he found some twisted humour in that, and the ghost of a smile crossed his face. "Let's figure it out between us." He pressed his lips against Aki's again, hard and determined, wiping thoughts of lost memories from his mind, as his fingers tugged at the buttons on Aki's top again.
Aki let himself be kissed, surprised at the passion in Tooya. <He's normally so emotionless.> He was surprised at the passion that it was awakening in himself, too. <I've never even held hands with anyone before, never kissed, never been close. But now..> And he wanted it, too. Wanted to be closer to Tooya, wanted to get rid of everything that lay between them and just press himself against that warm body, become a part of him. He felt the pyjama top sliding off him; he hadn't even realized that Tooya had finished unbuttoning it. Then Tooya's strong lips moved away from him, allowed him to take a sudden breath, followed by a gasp as they attached themselves to his nipple instead. He closed his eyes. <It feels so good..> He never could've imagined. It just wasn't the same when you did it by yourself. <And it's supposed to get even better?It's already so.. amazing.> His penis stirred, hardening as Tooya's teeth teased his other nipple. He wondered if Tooya would enjoy this as much as he was, and reached out his hands, fumbling with Tooya's shirt. He slipped his hands beneath it, reaching up until he found first one and then the other nipple. He toyed with them, tickling them with his fingers, wondering at the way they hardened beneath his touch. Tooya's mouth let go of his nipple, taking a deep breath, and he felt the cold air brushing across his now moist skin. It was a strange sensation, but delightful all the same. Tooya raised his head, and actually smiled at him, then reached down and tugged off his own shirt, pulling the soft wool over his head and tossing it behind him somewhere. He reached out again to touch Tooya's svelte skin, now that he could see it. Tooya had such a beautiful body.. he wondered what he looked like compared to this.
Tooya gazed at Aki's petite form, even as Aki gazed at him. <He's still almost a little boy. So young and innocent. So small and sweet.> He himself was naive in some ways; he hardly knew what he was doing right now. Since he'd awakened without his memory, he'd had to relearn a lot of things. But some of them seemed to come to him, once he started, and this certainly was the case here. His hands, his lips, knew what he wanted to do before he did. Even now his hands were moving forward again, caressing Aki's bared chest down to his stomach, and then sliding up his sides and back down again. Aki shivered, then smiled at him, a nervous smile, and hesitant fingers imitated his movements, touching his own stomach and sides. That unsurety was somehow sexy, turning him on even more, and he moved forward, desire driving him to push Aki back onto the bed and move over him, face hovering inches above his. He kissed the boy, letting his lips and tongue do what they seemed to know, and then slid his tongue down, latching on Aki's throat again. He balanced himself on one hand above him, not daring to put his whole weight on such a slim figure, and moved his other hand down, running it over that smooth skin, across chest and stomach and down to his thighs, skirting around his penis, even though he could feel it pushing up against his body. Aki started slightly as he tickled his inner thighs with his fingers, eyes widening.
"Tooya.." he groaned the name, and then his fingers were moving down to fumble with Tooya's leather pants, trying to find a way to take them off. Tooya almost laughed. <So eager.> He gave the boy a helping hand, pausing in his caresses to unzip his pants, and then he went back to touching Aki's tender skin, distracting him from his effort at removing the tight leather.
Aki tried to concentrate on stripping off Tooya's pants; Tooya's fingers were wonderful at diverting his mind from the task at hand. But they'd ignited a deeper longing inside him, and while he didn't entirely understand what he wanted, he knew that getting Tooya's clothes off would certainly help. So he tugged at the leather pants, and finally he removed them as far as he could reach without knocking Tooya's arm out from under him. Tooya paused in his teasing touches, and then rolled to one side of Aki, sitting up long enough to pull them off the rest of the way. Aki watched in wonderment; even stripping his clothes off, Tooya had a flowing grace to his movements, lithe and supple. Then he was moving to hover over him again, his hand reaching down between Aki's legs. This time, however, it tugged at the waistband of his underwear, the only thing between the two of them now. Aki hastened to pull them off, kicking them away with his legs, wanting Tooya to be close to him without anything in the way.
Tooya latched onto one of Aki's nipples with his teeth again, almost smiling at the quiet moan it elicited. Aki's penis pressed harder against his stomach, and his own hardened as well, longing for release. He paused, almost unsure for a moment of what to do next. But it came to him, and his fingers, still caressing Aki's thighs, moved around to slid between his buttocks.
"Tooya.. what..?" Aki's voice was breathy.
"Aki, can I.. be inside you?" He didn't know what else to call it. He just knew what he wanted. He seemed to remember something else, too. "It might hurt a little, at first." He looked up. Aki was staring at him, but from where he was, head above his chest, those eyes were lost in shadow again. Aki stared a moment longer, then bit his lip.
"Alright. I trust you." He smiled, a tiny smile. "I don't know why, but I trust you, Tooya."
"Thank you," he replied quietly. He supposed he should say the same in return -- that he trusted Aki, too -- but he didn't. Couldn't. He didn't really trust anyone anymore. Instead, he cleared all thoughts from his mind and gently pushed one long finger inside Aki. Aki closed his eyes, screwing up his face ever so slightly. Tooya moved himself up until his face was next to Aki's again, kissing him gently as he moved his finger slowly in and out, letting Aki get used to the feel of it. Then he added another, and Aki gasped into his mouth. He wanted to say 'I'm sorry' but he couldn't find the words, so he kissed him harder instead.
Aki couldn't help but wince as the fingers slid inside him; the pain was a sudden shock, after all the good things he'd felt so far. Tooya's fingers moved slowly, and he started to get used to the feel. He let Tooya's hard kisses distract him, concentrating on the feel of his tongue inside his mouth. Then suddenly Tooya had moved away, his lips, his fingers, his entire body gone.
"Tooya?" He opened his eyes. Tooya was a dim figure in the dark room.
"Hang on, I just thought of something." Then Tooya was back on the bed again, kneeling between his legs. He felt something cold and moist against his buttocks, and he gasped. Tooya's fingers slicked whatever it was between his cheeks and inside him, and he gasped again.
"It'll help, I think." Tooya's voice sounded a little unsure. Had his memory really made him forget everything he knew, even things like this? <How does he deal with something like that? Doesn't he want to know? Need to know?> Then Tooya's body was on top of his again, and something hard was pressing between his legs. He shifted his own legs, trying to find a comfortable position, as Tooya's penis pushed against him. Tooya guided it slowly inside, and he bit his lip again to stop from crying out. Lips pressed against his, rough and passionate, and he wondered if that was Tooya's way of apologising for the pain. He closed his eyes, kissing back, feeling the pain recede as Tooya rocked against him, in and out, slowly moving further in each time. As he hit deeper still, he felt something good wash over him, pleasure at having Tooya inside him, and he moved his hips to feel it again.
Tooya felt Aki moving underneath him, in time with his thrusts. <It's not still hurting him, then.> He felt relieved, knowing that. He didn't want to hurt Aki; not now, not ever. He reached down between Aki's legs, finding his still erect penis, and began pumping it in rhythm. The boy groaned, loudly this time. It was the first loud noise he had made. He pushed deeper inside him, enjoying the feel of being within, enjoying the feel of Aki's body moving in pleasure underneath him. Desire ached through him, wanting more, and he pushed harder, faster, letting it all wash over him, and make his mental pain go away, even if only for a little while. Aki pulled him closer, clutching him, and he felt fingernails digging into his back, even as those lips found his and kissed him wildly; Aki seemed to have lost all his shyness in the heat of the moment. He liked it.
Aki was awash with gorgeous feelings; Tooya inside him, Tooya's hand surrounding him, pumping him, Tooya's lips against his, Tooya's body crushed close to him. He had lost all sense of anything but pleasure, it seemed. And the pleasure grew greater, even though he'd hardly thought it was possible. Tooya was moving faster still, driving deeper, and pulling him in time, and it all became too much for him. With a loud cry, he orgasmed, his hips pushing madly against Tooya's hand. Tooya groaned, the first sound Aki had heard from him, and then Tooya was thrusting furiously as well, and he felt something warm and moist inside him. A complete, sated pleasure ran through his whole being, and he lay there, senseless and breathing hard in its wake.
Tooya came just after Aki did, a groan escaping him at the intense feelings that filled his body, and he collapsed on top of Aki, revelling in it for a long moment. Then he raised himself up again, slowly, and pulled himself out of Aki. He moved to one side and slumped on the bed next to him. For the first time in a long time, his mind was empty of it's own accord, allowing him freedom from thoughts and painful lack of memories. He yawned.
"Tooya?" He opened his eyes. Aki was lying next to him still, his eyes wide and watching him. He smiled, reaching out to pull the boy into his embrace. Aki was quite happy to comply, snuggling up against his chest. He closed his eyes again, lulled by his quiet mind.
"Tooya.. what happens now?" He opened only one eye this time.
"Now? I don't know." He just knew that tonight he wasn't alone. And Aki had made it that way. He yawned again, then remembered what he wanted to say. "Thank you." It was a whisper as he trailed off into sleep.
<Asleep already?> Aki didn't know whether to laugh or hit him. He sighed, then smiled, reaching up to touch Tooya's face.
"Thank you, too," he said softly in reply. Then he closed his eyes and let sleep overcome him, as well; no longer alone tonight, even if he was without Aya.
